Sometimes I wonder, is it worth it? Is all the struggle, pain, and effort worth the end goal? What is the end goal?
This semester has been particularly challenging for me and many of my classmates. The material is not more difficult then I expected. It stems more from the attitudes and perceptions of a few of our professors, a couple difficult exams, and the constant rat race of hurry up and study for the next test (I have at least one exam every week until the end of the semester). Instead of being excited to finally learn the 'cool stuff', I feel as though my passion for vetmed is smothered.
There are days when this is compounded by personal struggles. Feeling like God doesn't seem to care about me. Why won't He answer my prayers? Why can't things go smoothly? Why are we still facing the same challenge we faced 4 years ago? Why do those we love get sick? Why do our goals seem unattainable? Why do I feel like I'm not enough? Why are hearts broken? Why do bad things happen to good people? Why do some loose their way? Why do we suffer from loneliness?
Why do all of these things happen?
It is so easy to get sucked into this way of thinking. It is so easy to think that this world is full of darkness and despair.
It seems the only way to get out this way of thinking is to remember the REAL reason why we are here. We are here on Earth to be tested and tried, to see if we will choose good over evil, to see if we will look for the light in the darkness, to see if we will choose to serve others and not focus on ourselves, to see if we will keep God's commandments. In essence, we are here to learn to become like God.
With this perspective, things become more clear. I realize that it does not matter what happens to me or my family in life - it does not matter if Randy or I do not ever attain our dream job, it does not matter if we get sick, the trials themselves do not matter. What does matter is how we respond to the challenge. It is our response to the challenge that shapes us, forms us, molds us into who we will be. Without challenges we don't change. Forces such as pressure, heat, friction, and time are all required for us to shed our old selves and become something better, brighter, and fuller.
Elder Russell M. Nelson said, "When you leave this frail existence, what you have become will matter most. Attributes such as "faith, virtue, knowledge, temperance, patience, brotherly kindness, godliness, charity, humility (and) diligence" (D&C4:6) will all be weighed in the Lord's balance".
We admire people who have suffered and' came off conqueror' who refused to give in or quit. People like George Washington, Mother Theresa, my own grandma Kay who has suffered from a variety of health challenges but still gives all that she has to helping her children and grandchildren and hundreds of other people. These and more became the inspirational people they are because how they responded to trials.
Today I was reading in Philippians chapter 4 which says, " And the peace of God which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus". I can not control the actions of others, in fact there is very little I can control. I do have control over my faith in Christ, our Heavenly Father, and how I will respond to a call to become more. I can trust that if I have faith, keep the commandments, endure to the end, show kindness to all, and do all I can to further the work of salvation and to achieve my goals - God will make up the rest. He will not let me or anyone else who is sincerely trying fail.
God does love us. He cares about us. He wants us to be happy and return to live with Him.
So yes, it is worth it! It is worth it to keep trying, to keep inching forward, to get up each time you fall down. Life is worth while and beautiful.
Beauty can be found anywhere if we will just look for it.
