Emotions

Last Tuesday night, a horrible wind storm blew through Pullman and Spokane. That evening I received a text from my friend Amanda, who had driven up to Spokane to take her NAVLE, explaining that while working on the last section of the exam the power went out and did not come back on. She is still waiting to hear if her test can be recovered or if she has to retake the entire 360 questions again. I suggested we go out to eat.

While driving to South Fork, there was rain, lightening, and garbage flying through the air. It reminded me of hurricanes in Florida. When we arrived our server said that the power may go out but they have back up generators. As soon as he brought us our food, the power went out. Because there was no way to inventory the food, dinner was free. Mia and Amanda came over a little later to our house and animals had a blast running around and playing out the couch to the light of a few candles. That night it was cold. All night i was worried about the pipes freezing or a branch falling on the house from one of the two big trees.

The next morning the power was still off, but the pipes did not freeze, nor was there any damage to the house. All day I was grateful that our home was protected, the animals were fine, and I had food to eat. The power came back on later that morning. It was off for 12 hours.

That evening after school I checked Facebook real quick. Many wonderful things were on there- baby announcements, job offers, new homes, internship offers. Instead of being happy for my friends who have worked hard to accomplish these goals, I was upset at my life. I suddenly felt inadequate, that my life was not going at all as planned, that I wasn't doing enough or being enough. I haven't started to apply for jobs so of course I don't have a job offer, I didn't apply for an internship so I don't have one of those either. My logical side tried to help me see reason, but my emotions won. What was most frustrating to me was how could I go from joyful gratitude about all the many blessings I have to complaining about not having enough in a manner of minutes.

I wish I didn't struggle with comparing my life to others.

Richly Blessed

My life is richly blessed. 

Thank you to Sarah, Katie, Kelsie and James, Amanda and Jake, Mark and Lisa, Brooklin and Brett, Allison, Rachel and the many more who have invited me into their homes, left dinner in my fridge, fed and played with Mitch and Winter, listened to me, inviting me to activites, and for never letting me feel that I am alone. I have rarely felt so loved by so many. 

I love my ward family. I have never attended a ward where the lessons are discussions, not lectures, where people feel safe to ask personal questions and for help to understand doctrine. Where the Spirit of God is readily present in all meetings and I leave every Sunday feeling uplifted and filled. 

I am grateful for a husband that refuses to give up. 

I have had only wonderful rotation mates. No matter the rotation, the work load, the excitement, or mundane there has also been someone who reaches out and helps carry the load. 

I am grateful to have flying privileges that allowed me to fly down to Utah and back in the same day to surprise my sister for her bridal shower and to able to be a part of her final fitting of her wedding gown. The look on her face was worth the early morning and late night. 

I am thankful for the chance to work with incredible people who love their job as veterinarians and technicians and are willing to teach and share. I am grateful to be apart of an amazing profession that allows me to do what I've always wanted to do. I spent 12 hours a few weeks ago delivering puppies for the first time. To help bring life into the world is a feeling of wonder that never ceases to inspire me. 

I am grateful for Heavenly Father who has given me all of these things and by so doing shows me how much He loves me and is aware of me.  I am grateful for my testimony that God lives, He is our Father, Jesus Christ lives and completed the Atonement so that I may live with Them again. 

In church today, one of my favorite quotes was shared - 

“No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God." - Elder Orson F. Whitney 

I was reminded that my life, though difficult at times and is not altogether going how I had hoped, is still very good and very very blessed.