Two Sundays ago, Mitch and I took one of these walks. I had a lot on my mind. I felt an enormous weight upon my back. Even though school was finished for the semester, I kept thinking that I needed to be doing something for school, get more experience, plan my next summer, read a bunch of books on leadership, business and start studying for classes for next year. The more I heard of what other people were doing with their summer, the more stressed I became. What if I am wasting my time, what if I should be doing something completely different.
Also on my mind was how am I supposed to form a solid relationship with my husband when I only see him about every 4 weeks, how can we become a strong family unit when we don't live together and haven't lived together during at least half our marriage? How do I support my husband when I can't be there to physically help him, phone calls and texts can only go so far.
The list when on and on--- all of the issues with the house (the bugs, the roof, the yard, cleaning, etc), the truck, the bills, my debt load, I want to have a family but now isn't the time, will the time ever come? Needless to say I was quite disheartened.
We reached a park on the top of a hill near our house. I found a bench and silently cried out to Heaven. Even Heaven had felt far away. Quietly and gently a thought entered my mind, "What are your priorities?" What followed was an incredible journey of self-discovery.
My first thought was my relationship with my Heavenly Father. What am I doing to put Him first in my life? I realized I am doing those things that show Him that He really is my top priority. I read my scriptures in the morning, I pray, I go to church, I study addresses from General Conference, I do my visiting teaching, I fulfill my calling, I do my best to serve others, I share my testimony or talk about the church with friends. None of these things are huge commitments, they are just little things, but I am learning that it is the little things that count.
Second, how am I helping the missionaries? I write my little sister and one of my best friends who are serving almost every week. I pray for the missionaries, and I am sharing what I believe and love with those around me.
Third, how is my relationship with Randy? Is he more important then school, work, sleep, a clean house, etc? What am I doing to show Randy how much I care for him? It is difficult being apart for so long, but this separation is only temporary and it is possible to grow closer together while far apart.
Forth, how is my relationships with my family and extended family? Am I making an effort to spend time with them, to talk to them, to let them know how much I love them? Do I call them regularly and let them know how I'm doing and find out about their lives?
Fifth, how am I treating my body am I respecting it as a gift from God? I am working on eating better and exercising more frequently.
I realized that as long as I keep the above priorities, my top priorities, nothing else really matters. Yes, it is important that I continue to learn and grow in my career, to use my summers to gain experience, but that I don't HAVE to do everything everyone else is doing. I don't HAVE to read ten books on business and leadership. I don't have to spend every moment doing something vet related, I don't HAVE to go all the different conferences. As silly as that sounds, this was a mind-blowing discovery. If I could read one book on business or leadership that would be great, if I don't that will be okay too. I am spending my summer doing vet related things- I am doing a 3 week rotation in the Ag animal barn and working in an Animal Diagnostic lab. Just because I don't go across the country doesn't mean the experience isn't valuable. Start thinking about a conference I want to go to and figuring out the costs, but don't feel like you have to go to everything. Just do what you can, and as long as it is your best, it is good enough.
Your best is good enough.
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